When I Am Dead, Will You Finally Shut The Fuck Up? by Hollie McNish

when i was a teenage girl
the newspapers printed
stories about the monsters
they called paedophiles

when i was a teenage girl
a special assembly was called
which told us all to watch out
for a man flashing his penis
in the park near the school
we all thought it was funny
looked out for the long coat
pointed with our friends

when i was a teenage girl
one newspaper printed
a list of home addresses
of the people they called
paedophiles’, vigilante
justice and one count
of linguistic ignorance
graffiti-ing the walls of
a paediatrician’s home

when i was a teenage girl
i bought the top ten record
by another teenage girl
dancing in school uniform
called hit me baby one more time
please hit me baby one more time
please hit me baby one more time

when I was a teenage girl
my friend was called a slut
for owning three vibrators

when i was a teenage girl
the front cover of this album
had britney spears in pigtails
looking at the camera
as little angel as could be

when i was a teenage girl
my friend told everyone
he fingered me in the garden
at a house party when really
he was crying about a
problem in his family
he apologised to me at school
I agreed not to tell the truth
we stayed close friends

when I was a teenage girl
I opened the cd in my bedroom
there was a poster folded up inside
to put up on my wall
it had Britney dressed in
a perfect white vest top
sat astride a chair
legs parted for the camera
camera zoomed onto her crotch

when i was a teenage girl
i was told not to use a tampon
when I was bleeding playing sport
because that would be like
losing my virginity to a tampon
before I’d had a dick in me
when i was a teenage girl
i was told not to put a dick in me

when i was a teenage girl
i was told that the only sex
real sex was a dick in me
when i was a teenage girl
i was told how great a dick
in me would be

when I was a teenage girl
two teenage girls in a
Russian pop video
snogged each other
in school uniform
looking sexy at the camera
singing
all the things you said
all the things you said
running through my head
running through my head

when i was a teenage girl
i was told off for wearing
a skirt too short at school
i rolled it down each lesson
and rolled it up each break

when i was a teenage girl
i was told not to take the short cut
I was told not to walk alone
i was told not to stay out late
i was told not to masturbate
i was told not to get pregnant
I was told not to get fingered
i was told not to be too sexy
i was told to be really sexy
i was told not to have sex
i was told to sing hit me baby
one more time in uniform like hers
i was told all the things you said
running through my head
running through my head

when i was in my twenties
i had a baby
i breastfed in the toilets
for fear of looking
like i was sort of trying
to look sexy
i’m still not sure
exactly why i was
embarrassed to feed my baby

when i was thirty
i was recommended botox
before i went on holiday
to look sexier on holiday

when i was thirty five
i was told not to wear a vest top
because women my age don’t show
our arms now for fear of bats
landing on the skin below
and letting all the world know
our arms are not sexy now

when i was fifty
i was told my sex drive would
go down with my bleeding
but no-one talks about the menopause

when i was sixty
i was told

when i was seventy
i was told

when i was eighty
i was told

I am hoping this will stop

but my grandma is ninety-two
and she is on a diet because
in our family, as I’ve been told
my entire life long
the women in our family
have bad stomachs

hold it in, hollie
hold it in, hollie

when i am dead
i am hoping
i can stretch out
in my coffin

wearing what
the fuck I want